News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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