someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
