you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
