just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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