My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
