We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
