guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i was born a porn star she said
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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