Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
