We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
