girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
