I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
