Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
