the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize