turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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