cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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