i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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