Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
