there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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