Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
