I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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