You're completely useless in the revolution.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
