How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just want nice things and good sex
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
