I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
