So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
