at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
