You just made me feel so damn special
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
