pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
