i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
