maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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