i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
