i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
