Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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