I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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