Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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