Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
