hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
