I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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