I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize