Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
