Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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