WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
