Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
