sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
