My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
