There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
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