Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
