i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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