ugly people sure do ruin things
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
