i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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