I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize