im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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