So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
