He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
