OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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