I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
