Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
