My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
