yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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