Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
