420 ftw
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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