told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
They have beer where we have blood.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize