best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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