Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
