ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
