Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
