I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
