I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Randomize
