worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
