So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize
