i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
