I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My liver is preforming stress tests.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
