I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Randomize
