Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
