how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
