There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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