listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
