Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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