Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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