If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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