**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
