She's JV to your varsity
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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