you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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