So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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