I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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