So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
