it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
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