Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
