Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Randomize
