I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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