And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
