My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
